DUKE  UNIVERSITY 

LIBRARY 


i^DDRESS,  ESSAY. 


THE  HOWITZER 


/J 


Hundredth  NiAt  EntertainiDent 


GIVEN  BY  THE 


CORPS  OF  CADETS,  U.  S.  M.  A 


xuFebruary  23,  1884,^s^ 


MANCHESTER, 

JOHN    B.  CLARKE, 

18S4. 


N.  H.: 

PRINTER. 


INDEX. 


Page. 

Programme      .........  5 

Opening  Address  8 

Essay  12 

The  Howitzer  17 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2015 


.https://archive.org/details/addressessayhowi01hale 


PLAN  OF  OPENING  BATTLE 

OP  THE 

HUNDRED  DAYS'  CAMPAIGN. 

WATCHWORD  : 

"One  Hundred  Days  to  June." 


Hdqrs.  Council  of  War, 
West  Point,  N.  Y.,  February  23,  1884. 

GrENERAL  OrDERS  ) 

No.  1.  j 

It  is  believed  that  tbe  enemy  will  be  found  en  masse  in  tbe 
Cadet  Mess  Hall  this  evening.  The  following  detailed  plan  of 
attack  will  be  observed  :  — 

I.  —  The  U.  S.  M.  A.  Band  will  be  posted  in  a  commanding 
position  on  the  left,  and  will  open  the  action  at  7.30  p.  m.,  by  a 
simultaneous  fire  from  all  the  pieces. 

II.  —  Marshal  Hale  will  throw  forward  a  line  of  skirmishers 
to  ascertain  the  strength  and  disposition  of  the  enemy's  forces,  but 
will,  under  no  circumstances,  allow  himself  to  be  drawn  into  a 
prolonged  engagement. 

III.  —  Commodore  Noble  will  send  a  gunboat,  under  the  com- 
mand of  Captain  Russ^  to  proceed  up  the  river  (with  guns  firing  and 
bands  playing  "  The  Tar's  Farewell")  with  a  view  to  diverting  the 
attention  of  the  enemy's  right. 

lY.  —  When  this  is  accomplished,  Greneral  Simpson  will  make 
a  direct  attack  on  the  enemy's  center,  will  push  forward  in  spite  of 
the  storms  of  applause  from  the  enemy's  line,  and  will  break  through 
the  center  and  attack  the  left  in  flank  and  rear. 

Y.  —  The  Light  Batteries  under  Colonels  Thayer  and  Walton 
will  keep  up  a  lively  fire  along  the  whole  line. 

YI.  — The  Heavy  Battery  under  Major  Chittenden  will  pour 
in  a  hot  fire  of  solid  shot  and  shell  on  the  redoubt,  on  the  enemy's 
left,  and  will  not  cease  its  fire  until  their  batteries  are  completely 
silenced. 

YII.  —  The  Reserve  will  now  be  brought  up,  and  if  necessary 
all  those  in  the  Hospital  capable  of  bearing  arms  will  take  their 
places  in  the  ranks. 

YIII.  —  The  U.  S.  M.  A.  Band  will  now  redouble  its  fire  on 
the  enemy's  right,  to  prevent  its  effecting  a  juncture  with  the  left, 
against  which  the  main  attack  will  be  directed. 


7 


IX.  —  The  Howitzer,  in  cliarge  of  G-nnner  Gillette,  will  be 
unlimbered  and  prepared  for  action.  The  enemy's  line  of  retreat 
having  been  cut  off  by  Sanford's  Cavalry,  accompanied  by  ClarUe  s 
Engineer  troops,  who  will  destroy  all  bridges  and  other  means  of 
escape,  the  Howitzer  will  open  fire.  Grunner  Gillette  is  particularly 
cautioned  not  to  be  deceived  by  any  apparent  exhibition  of  weak- 
ness on  the  part  of  the  enemy,  but  to  continue  the  fire  until  the 
ammunition  is  exhausted. 

X.  —  The  enemy  being  completely  demoralized.  Trumpeter 
Ramsey  will  sound  the  recall. 

XI.  —  The  troops  will  assemble  as  before  the  battle,  the  lines 
will  be  carefully  inspected  by  their  respective  commanders,  and  those 
who  have  not  fired  their  pieces  will  be  reported.  To  complete  the 
victory  and  sweep  the  enemy  from  the  field,  the  whole  command 
will  move  forward  at  double  time,  colors  flying,  bands  playing,  and 
troops  shouting  the  watchword,  —    One  Hundred  Days  to  June! 

By  order, 

FALL  OUT, 

Best! 


ADDRESS  BY  IRVING  HALE.  '84. 


Ladies  and  Gentlemen :  — 

We  ask  you  to  congratulate  us  this  evening  on  having  reached 
this  landmark  in  our  cadet  existence.  Landmarks  are  always  inter- 
esting, always  pleasant,  especially  when  we  are  tired.  To  be  sure, 
they  do  not  make  the  road  shorter,  or  its  hills  less  steep,  or  its  rocky 
places  less  hard,  or  the  burden  less  heavy ;  but  we  know  it  to  be  a 
fact  that  when  the  weary  pilgrim  reaches  some  well-known  landmark 
that  tells  him  just  how  far  he  has  journeyed,  and  just  how  far  he 
is  from  home  and  friends,  he  takes  great  satisfaction  in  looking  back 
over  the  long,  dusty  road  he  has  traveled,  with  all  its  obstacles  that 
he  has  overcome,  and  feeling  that  he  has  surmounted  them  and  that 
they  are  things  of  the  past ;  and  then,  blinding  himself  half  uncon- 
sciously and  half  intentionally  to  the  difficulties  that  are  still  ahead 
of  him,  he  feels  an  exquisite  pleasure  in  looking  ahead,  over  and 
beyond  those  difficulties,  to  the  welcome  that  is  awaiting  him  at  the 
end  of  his  journey. 

With  us,  landmarks  are  especially  interesting,  partly,  perhaps, 
because  they  are  so  scarce,  partly  because  there  is  such  a  crying  need 
of  something  to  make  our  lives  more  joyous.  So,  when  we  reach  an 
epoch  like  the  present,  when  we  can  look  back  over  the  road  we 
have  traveled,  winding  along  over  "  warped  surfaces  "  and  "  equipo- 
tential  surfaces,"  around  precipices  with  "  momental  ellipsoids"  in  a 
state  of  "  unstable  equilibrium  "  toppling  over  us,  and  avalanches  of 
rolling  cones  "  threatening  to  sweep  us  to  destruction,  over  torrents 
the  equations  of  whose  flow  must  be  deduced  before  they  can  be 
crossed,  through  dry,  barren  deserts  of  "  interpolated  sheets," 
through  gloomy  forests  in  whose  leaves  the  winds,  moving,  of  course, 
"in  left  spirals  closing  inwards,  and  right  spirals  opening  outwards," 
whistle  and  seem  to  whisper  at  every  breath,  "atomicity"  and 


9 


"quantivalence."  "jurisdiction  of  federal  courts"  and  "Unification  of 
Italy,  "  enjoying  now  and  then  a  pleasant  little  digression  on  the 
action  of  heat  on  airs.'"  but  always  coming  back  into  the  hard,  dusty 
road  more  tired  than  when  we  left  it,  —  when  we  look  back  at  all 
these  things,  we  feel  a  grim  satisfaction  in  saying,  "We  have  con- 
c^uered  you,  and  we  are  through  with  you  for  eyer."'  And  then  for- 
getting, for  the  moment,  that  there  are  difficulties  still  ahead  of  us^ 
that  there  are  enemies  lying  in  wait  for  us  in  positions  of  their  own 
choosing,  and  behind  fortifications  that  they  have  been  years  in 
building  and  strengthening :  surrounded  by  obstacles  of  every 
description  to  bar  our  progress,  entanglements  of  •■'  stretched  strings," 
palisades  of  "tuning  forks,"  abatis  of  "' Iialysitida3  and  Cyatlioph- 
aloids,"  "glacis  planes"  and  "planes  of  polarization"  and  "'any 
plane  whatever,"  frowning  batteries  of  "open  organ  pipes  "  loaded 
with  1.5's  and  destruction.  cavaliers."  "' caponnieres."  "teuailles," 
and  "  ramps,"  —  forgetful  of  all  these,  it  is  pleasant  to  let  our 
thoughts  wander  to  the  future  and  to  dream  of  yearling  camp  and 
chevrons,  and  the  class  of  '83  :  of  furlough  with  all  its  joys,  which 
will  surpass  your  brightest  dreams:  of  first-class  camp,  with  its  hops 
and  hand-spikes,  and  fair  faces  and  blistered  faces,  and  true-lovers' 
knots,  and  "  clove  hitches,"  and  walks  and  "  balks,"  and  all  its 
pleasures  which  must  be  experienced  to  be  appreciated  ;  of  shoulder- 
straps  and  one-company-posts  and  longevity  pay.  and  more  directly 
of  the  last  ride,  the  last  parade,  the  "  good-bye  boys,"  of  welcome 
and  home  and  rest.  But  .  perhaps  we  are  too  much  given  to 
thoughts  like  these.  We  meditate  too  much  on  the  difficulties  of 
our  cadet  life,  and  do  not  properly  appreciate  its  benefits.  While  I 
hardly  think  that  any  one  of  us  will  ever  look  back  on  his  career  at 
West  Point  with  any  craving  desire  to  try  it  over  again,  yet  I  do 
firmly  believe  that  the  most  of  us.  in  after  life,  will  look  back  at  the 
four  years  we  spent  at  this  academy  as  the  best  four  years  of  our 
lives ;  the  four  years  in  which  we  did  the  most  hard,  honest,  con- 
tinuous work :  the  four  years  that  did  the  most  towards  training  our 
faculties  and  molding  otir  characters,  and  making  us  what  we  are 
to  be  for  life. 

When  we  consider  the  object  for  which  this  instittition  was 
founded,  the  principles  on  which  it  is  conducted,  and  the  service 
that  its  graduates  are  expected  to  render  the  country,  we  must  be 


10 


impressed  with  the  idea  that  of  all  educational  institutions  this  insti- 
tution ought  to  turn  out  men.  If  it  does  not  enjoy  this  reputation, 
it  is  a  duty  that  every  cadet  and  every  graduate  owes  to  himself,  his 
friends,  his  alma  mater ^  the  army,  and  the  nation,  to  so  conduct  him- 
self as  to  earn  for  it  that  reputation  before  the  people  of  the  coun- 
try;  if  it  does  enjoy  and  deserve  that  reputation,  it  is  the  duty  of 
every  cadet  and  graduate  to  demonstrate  it. 

Members  of  the  class  of  '87,  you  can  demonstrate  it  by  the  way 
you  treat  the  "plebes"  next  summer.  It  is  not  necessary  to  pre- 
scribe a  detailed  mode  of  treatment,  but  if  you  treat  them  as  men 
should  treat  each  other,  if  your  object  in  every  thing  you  do  is  to 
change  them  from  boj^s  into  men,  and  if,  when  their  first  camp  is 
over  and  they  have  had  a  little  time  to  recuperate,  they  look  upon 
you  as  a  class  of  men,  you  cannot  have  gone  far  wrong. 

Members  of  the  Furlough  Class,  you  will  have  a  thousand  oppor- 
tunities to  demonstrate  it  on  furlough,  when  your  friends  will  look 
upon  you  with  critical  though  kindly  eyes,  to  see  what  changes  the 
past  two  years  have  wrought. 

Members  of  the  coming  first  class,  you  can  demonstrate  it  by  the 
way  you  bear  your  authority  next  year,  by  the  standard  of  honor 
that  you  set  up  for  the  classes  below  you,  and  by  the  manner  in 
which  you  perpetuate  the  state  of  cordial  good  feeling  that  now  exists 
in  the  corps. 

But  more,  perhaps,  than  all,  to  the  graduates  of  the  academy  be- 
longs the  duty  of  demonstrating  this  truth,  if  truth  it  is.  Whether 
in  the  society  of  a  metropolis  or  around  the  camp-fire  on  a  western 
Indian  trail,  in  peace  or  in  war,  in  the  army  or  out  of  it,  or  wher- 
ever they  may  be,  it  is  their  duty  to  demonstate  it  by  their  fearless- 
ness, dignity,  honor,  and  integrity. 

And  if  it  can  be  said  of  this  or  any  other  institution,  that  it  turns 
out  men,  —  men  in  their  physical  capacity  to  do  and  to  endure,  men 
in  the  depth  and  grasping  power  of  their  intellects,  men  with  minds 
which,  whether  crammed  with  facts  or  not,  have  their  faculties  so 
trained  and  under  control  that  they  can  grapple  with  any  subject 
that  presents  itself ;  men  who  can  choose  the  right,  and,  having 
chosen,  have  the  stamina  to  maintain  it,  cost  what  it  may  ;  men  with 
manly  ambitions  to  do  something  more  than  sit  still  and  wait  for 
promotion,  and  rust,  —  if  it  can  be  said  of  any  institution  that  it  turns 


11 


out  men  in  tlie  liigliest  sense  of  tlie  word,  no  better  praise  can  be 
bestowed. 

But  all  tliis  has  nothing  to  do  with  the  fact  that  we  are  here  to 
demonstrate  to-night,  —  the  fact  that  it  is  only  one  hundred  days  to 
June. 

We  make  no  apology  for  this  entertainment,  for  you  who  know 
West  Point  know  that  we  have  no  time  for  such  things,  and  you 
who  do  not  know  it  now,  will  find  it  out  before  the  eyening  is  over. 
All  we  ask  is,  if  any  of  you  came  with  an  idea  of  being  edified,  give 
it  up  ;  if  any  of  you  came  with  an  intention  to  criticise,  don't.  We 
simply  ask  that  you  prepare  yourselves  for  a  couple  of  hours  of 
nonsense  and  jollity  in  celebration  of  the  glorious  truth  that  it's 
only  one  hundred  —  only  ninety -eight  days  to  June. 


ESSAY  BY  H.  M.  CHITTENDEN,  '84. 


"PERSONAL  EQUATIONS." 

It  is  not  expected  that  the  subject  of  this  essay  will  excite  any 
particular  curiosity.  In  fact,  there  is  no  more  certain  proof  that  a 
book  or  an  essay  will  not  be  read  than  to  have  the  word  equation 
appear  in  its  title.  This  remark,  it  is  true,  has  a  peculiar  application 
to  this  audience  which  it  would  probably  not  have  to  any  other ;  at 
least  it  is  to  be  hoped  that  no  one  who  is  not  or  has  not  been  a  cadet 
can  possibly  feel  the  aversion  for  this  little  word  that  a  cadet  generally 
does  feel.  And  this  aversion  is  not  without  cause.  The  cadet,  as  a 
rule,  is  not  actuated  by  any  craving  desire  for  work  to  do.  He,  in 
common  with  many  other  people,  regards  it  as  an  alloy  in  the  pleas- 
ures of  life  which,  in  no  small  degree,  diminishes  their  value.  In 
his  whole  course  of  study  at  the  academy,  there  is  no  one  word  more 
expressive  of  the  continuous  work  to  which  he  is  held  than  this 
word  equation.  To  begin  with,  in  that  study  which,  as  is  well 
known,  is  not  pursued  for  pleasure's  sake  alone,  it  is  his  principal 
enemy.  It  starts  up  before  him  on  every  occasion.  He  finds  it 
concealed  in  every  line  or  surface  or  other  thing  which  mathematical 
genius  can  devise  ;  and  to  rid  himself  of  it,  he  looks  to  his  furlough 
with  a  longing  second  only  to  that  with  which  he  will  at  a  later  date 
look  to  his  graduation. 

That  furlough  comes ;  and,  in  the  oblivion  of  its  pleasures,  he 
hopes  to  bury  not  only  all  memory  of  but  all  future  connection  with 
this  enemy  of  his  past  two  years.  It  is  needless  to  state  that,  in 
this  respect,  he  is  doomed  to  disappointment.  The  happy  days  of 
that  vacation  glide  by.  He  returns  and  resumes  his  work  with  a 
feeling  of  dejection  which  no  one  but  a  furloughman  can  appreciate; 
and  before  a  month  has  passed  over  his  head,  in  the  very  midst  of 


13 


his  homesickness,  lie  is  astounded,  frightened,  enraged,  at  the  unex- 
pected encounter  with  that  jumble  of  letters  which  the  book  calls 
"  Equation  A." 

And  this  is  more  than  any  ordinary  equation.  The  philosopher 
says  that  it  includes  every  thing  ;  that  it  involves  not  only  all  physi- 
cal actions,  but  even  individual  happiness  and  prosperity. 

This  last  statement,  by  the  way,  is,  to  many  cadets,  quite  irrec- 
oncilable with  the  life  and  death  sti-uggle  with  that  equation  to  see 
which  will  come  out  ahead  in  the  following  January  examination. 

Yes,  the  philosopher  enlarges  on  the  hidden  treasures  of  this 
equation.  He  really  succeeds  in  exciting  an  interest  in  the  cadet, 
who.  for  the  time  being,  begins  to  feel  that  he  holds  at  last  the  key 
to  the  problem  of  life ;  that  all  he  has  to  do  is  to  apply  Equation  A 
to  his  difficulties  and  they  will  disappear. 

But.  in  the  midst  of  this  transient  enthusiasm,  the  philosopher 
interposes  that  condition,  so  often  fatal  to  anticipated  pleasure,  that 
other  word,  no  less  repulsive  than  the  word  equation^  —  if.  All 
these  things  Equation  A  would  do.  '•{/'we  could  integrate  it.''  But 
we  cannot.  Thus  the  cadet,  like  Tantalus  of  old,  sees  almost  within 
his  grasp  the  fruit  of  so  much  valuable  knowledge,  but  is  never  per- 
mitted to  taste  it :  and  Equation  A  soon  becomes  the  unique  symbol 
of  what  might  be,  but  never  is. 

Surely  there  is  abundant  cause  for  the  aversion  which  cadets  feel 
for  this  word,  and  no  doubt  I  ought  to  apologize  to  them  for  inflict- 
ing the  sound  of  it  upon  their  ears  to-night. 

But  I  had  started  to  say  something  of  '-personal  equations.'"  and 
the  subject  was  suggested  by  the  inquiry.  What  parallel  can  be 
drawn  between  our  course  of  stud}'  here  and  the  course  which  is 
to  begin  on  that  day  in  anticipation  of  which  this  meeting  is  held 
to-night  ? 

We  all  of  us — cadets,  I  mean  —  must  by  this  time  be  convinced 
that  there  is  not  a  line  or  path  or  other  thing  in  nature  which  has  not 
its  equation ;.  and  hence  it  would  seem  reasonable  that  that  path  which 
we  figuratively  call  the  "  path  of  life '"  should  have  its  equation  also. 
This,  I  imagine,  is  the  only  one  most  of  us  will  ever  have  to  de- 
duce ;  but  this  one  we  shall,  and.  unwittingly  or  not.  every  action 
of  our  lives  will  be  a  step  in  that  deduction.  As  we  pass  along  that 
axis  which  shall  number  the  successive  years  of  our  lives,  and  meas- 


14 


ure  off  from  it  the  acliievements  which  shall  mark  those  years,  what, 
then,  will  this  path  represent  ?  The  answer  to  this  question  each  of 
us  can  give  only  when  the  deduction  is  complete ;  but  what  the' 
character  of  that  path  should  be  each  can  answer  now. 

We  are  not,  as  in  the  section-room,  tied  down  to  certain  given 
conditions  which  our  equations  must  fulfill,  but  it  rests  entirely  in 
our  own  hands  to  impose  such  conditions  as  we  choose.  Upon  that 
choice  will  rest  the  character  of  our  lives.  Let  us  inquire  what 
some  of  these  conditions  should  be. 

To  the  soldier,  the  prime  virtue  of  his  profession  is  honor ;  honor 
in  every  action,  minute  or  great ;  fidelity  to  his  duty,  his  officers, 
and  his  country.  He  early  learns  that  upon  it  rest,  not  only  the 
minor  duties  of  his  profession,  but  oftentimes  events  the  importance 
of  which  his  country  will  recognize.  This,  then,  must  be  one 
condition. 

Another  is  that  quality  always  associated  with  the  profession  of 
arms  but  which  may  equally  adorn  any  other,  —  courage.  I  do  not 
mean  courage  in  the  superficial  acceptation  of  the  term,  not  merely 
courage  to  face  a  physical  enemy,  but  courage  to  meet  those  ene- 
mies who  continually  beset  us,  whose  strategy  is  perfect,  whose  tac- 
tics never  err,  and  whose  restless  activity  exacts  our  utmost  energy  to 
meet.  We  have  examples  of  graduates  from  this  institution,  and  — 
be  it  said  with  sorrow  —  their  number  is  increasing,  whose  courage  to 
meet  their  enemies,  perhaps  not  ours,  has  failed  at  the  critical  mo- 
ment, and  has  brought  disaster  upon  their  lives  ;  and,  without  any 
sentimental  theory,  we  cannot  but  know  that  our  daily  life  will  pre- 
sent us  ten  thousand  chances  to  display  true  courage  where  the  bat- 
tlefield will  one. 

Another  condition  which  I  would  impose,  and  which,  to  us  who 
are  happy  in  the  thought  that  we  are  soon  to  throw  off  the  burden 
of  our  work,  may  not  be  a  very  acceptable  one,  is  industry.  None 
of  us  can  doubt  that  this  condition  is  pretty  thoroughly  imposed 
upon  us  here.  How  will  it  be  when  we  have  no  longer  the  strong 
hand  of  authority  to  impose  it  for  us  ?  Shall  we  then  throw  it  off 
entirely  ?  No  other  example  than  our  course  in  this  academy  need 
be  sought  to  show  the  progress  industry  secures.  The  brevity  of 
life  is  a  sufficient  injunction  to  us  not  to  waste  its  valuable  hours. 


15 


and  our  course  when  we  leave  the  academy  ought  not,  in  this  respect, 
to  be  doubtful.  Though  we  as  yet  know  little  of  the  service  at  large, 
yet,  if  we  can  believe  what  we  hear,  we  do  know  this  :  that  it  pre- 
sents to  the  young  officer  strong  temptations  and  a  good  opportunity 
to  while  away  his  life  in  idleness  and  its  consequent  vices. 

Are  these  conditions  enough  to  determine  the  paths  of  our  lives  ? 
Yes ;  they  draw  with  them  all  others  that  are  necessary  in  life.  The 
life  whose  ruling  principle  is  honor  and  integrity  can  never  be 
marked  by  deceit,  fraud,  or  infidelity  to  duty.  The  life  actuated  by 
true  courage  will  not  succumb  beneath  tempation.  The  industrious 
man  will  not  be  the  victim  of  evil  habits.  Drinking,  gambling,  and 
the  hundred  other  evils  which  follow  in  the  train  of  idleness  have 
nothing  to  do  with  him  whose  time  is  devoted  to  the  work  of  his 
life.  I  do  not  mean  to  imply  that  all  men's  lives  which  fulfill  these 
conditions  will  be  the  same.  Their  characters  will  be  the  same. 
Through  any  three  points  one  circle  and  only  one  can  be  made  to 
pass ;  and  although  for  every  change  in  the  position  of  those  points 
there  will  be  a  different  circle,  yet  the  character  of  the  curve  will 
still  remain  unchanged.  So  here,  talent,  opportunity,  peculiar  cir- 
cumstances, may  modify  our  lives,  but  cannot  change  their  character. 
This  is  the  one  solid  fact  which  we  should  seize  and  retain  with 
an  iron  grasp.  Whatever  may  be  fortune's  attitude  toward  us, — 
whether  she  be  lavish  or  penurious  with  her  gifts,  whether  she  sur 
rouDd  us  with  influential  friends  or  leave  us  to  rely  wholly  upon  our- 
selves, whether  she  spread  golden  opportunities  in  our  way  or  leave 
us  to  make  them  alone,  —  upon  her  caprices  the  formation  of  character 
can  never  be  made  to  depend.  In  this  respect  every  man  can.  if  he 
choose,  stand  before  the  world  the  equal  of  every  other  man. 

One  hundred  days  from  now  and  the  thirty-seven  paths  of  the 
class  of  '84  will  have  one  point  in  common ;  the  completion  of  this 
course  is  the  one  achievement  common  to  us  all.  Thenceforth  they 
will  diverge,  and  time  alone  can  tell  how  great  that  divergence  will 
be ;  but  let  us  hope  that  it  will  not  be  increased  by  any  disregard 
of  these  three  conditions  of  life.  Human  experience  shows  that  we 
shall  not  all  have  equally  long  to  make  this  great  deduction.  Life 
is  not  certain  for  a  moment.  But.  sustained  by  that  hope  for  futu- 
rity so  natural  to  every  mind,  we  may  confidently  expect  that  our 


16 

work  will  not  terminate  with  the  termination  of  our  lives ;  and  if, 
as  Longfellow  says,  — 

"  Death  takes  us  by  surprise, 

And  stays  our  hurrying  feet; 
It  the  design  unfinrshed  lies, 

And  our  lives  are  incomplete ; 
Yet,  in  the  great  unknown. 

Perfect  their  circles  seem, 
Even  as  a  bridge's  arch  of  stone 

Is  rounded  in  the  stream." 

This  much,  at  least,  rests  in  the  power  of  each  of  us,  that  when 
the  equation  of  his  life  is  integrated,  no  negative  quantities  shall 
exist  to  diminish  the  final  whole ;  and  when  at  last  he  submits  to 
the  great  Instructor  of  life  the  memoir  of  his  work,  that  he  may 
receive  thereon  the  satisfactory  indorsement, 

"  Examined  and  Approved." 


THE  HOWITZER. 


DISCHARGED  ANNUALLY- LEAP  YEARS  VOLLEY. 


WEST  POINT,  N.  Y.,  100  DAYS  B.  J.  [Before  June.] 


C.  E.  Gillette,  'Si,  Chief  Editor. 


ADVERTISEMENTS. 


Wanted.  —  Two  Spanish  ponies  for  spring  work.    Must  be  accus- 
tomed to  one  exercise  a  day. 

Address  Box  13  Howitzer,  Up-Stair  Office. 

Lost.  —  A  full  head  of  hair.    Finder  will  be  suitably  rewarded  by 
returning  it  to  C.  B.  B.,  Sixth  Division. 

Found.  —  A  large  fragment  of  the  fourth  class,  —  last  January. 
BONER'S  PATENT  LiaHT  RUNNING  MACHINE.  . 

ABSOLUTE  SECURITY  GUARANTEED. 

The  whole  apparatus  is  in  a  small  box  constructed  so  that  a  bright 
light  may  be  put  in  it,  and,  so  perfect  is  the  working  of  the  machine, 
that  absolutely  no  light  will  be  visible  from  outside  the  box.  This 
is  one  of  the  greatest  inventions  of  the  time,  and  no  ambitious  man 
should  be  without  one. 

OPINIONS  OF  EMINENT  MEN. 

A.  Boner,  Esq.  :  — 

Ml/  Dear  Siy^,  —  It  is  with  much  pleasure  that  I  express  to  you  my 
feelings  on  a  subject  that  for  so  long  a  time  has  occupied  my  atten- 
tion.   I  have  been  using  your  very  original  machine  for  some  time, 

2 


18 


and  I  have  come  to  the  conclusion  that  you  must  be  a  very  great 
genius  indeed,  as  your  invention  is  nearly  if  not  quite  as  good  as  my 
own,  that  of  putting  a  light  under  the  bed-clothes. 

Your  fellow  inventor, 

Samuel  Eeber. 

A.  Boner,  Esq.  :  — 

Sir,  —  I  have  had  much  experience  in  running  lights.  I  have  tried 
every  thing,  even  to  putting  bedding  over  the  window  in  the  ordinary 
manner,  and  have  met  with  extra  —  ordinary  results  ;  but,  Professor, 
Captain,  I  mean  Lieutenant,  or  rather  I  should  say  Mr.  Boner,  let  me 
assure  you  that,  after  its  perfect  safety,  what  I  like  next  about  your 
machine  is  its  astonishishing  cheapness ;  it  is  so  cheap  that  even  a 
furloughman  can  alFord  to  have  one ;  this  is  indeed  a  great  point  in 
its  favor,  as  price  is  the  objection  to  all  the  other  methods  of  running 
lights. 

Your  obedient  servant, 

GrEORGE  B.  DuNCAN. 

A.  BoNER,  Esq.  :  — 

Dear  Sir,  —  After  a  long  trial  of  all  the  different  methods  of 
running  lights,  even  to  the  "pure  gall  method,"  the  "  polyconic 
method,"  and  the  "  methods  by  limits,"  I  have  come  to  the  conclu- 
sion that  your  apparatus  is  the  safest  and  surest. 

Cecil  Stewart. 

For  price-list  and  further  particulars  address 

A.  Boner,  Aftertaps,  N.  Y. 

A  scene  or  HORROR. 

It  is  on  the  field  of  battle  ;  but  a  short  time  before,  the  frenzied 
shouts  of  contending  armies  were  resounding  through  the  valley 
where  now  many  a  brave  soldier  lies  tranquil  in  the  sleep  which 
knows  no  waking.  The  army,  in  retreat,  has  given  up  the  field  to 
the  dying  and  the  dead.  Here,  grim  Death,  in  his  most  revolting- 
forms,  has  held  high  carnival.  The  earth  everywhere  is  crimsoned 
with  gore  ;  thousands  of  mutilated  victims  of  cruel  war,  lacerated  by 
cannon-balls  or  gashed  with  ghastly  sabre-strokes,  their  bloody  locks 
frozen  to  their  icy  pillows,  have  found  their  last  resting  place  on  the 
banks  of  the  winding  river  that  flows  through  this  fertile  valley. 

Here,  struck  down  by  the  hand  of  undeviating  Fate,  lies  the  youth- 
ful warrior,  all  his  bright  hopes  of  the  future  hushed  within  his 
placid  breast.  There  lies  the  aged  veteran  who  has  willingly  obeyed 
the  summons  of  that  friend,  with  whose  awful  face  he  had  become 
familiar,  and  the  calm  expression  on  his  countenance  betokens  that 
quiet  rest  which  his  weary  spirit  had  not  found  on  this  earth.  But 


19 


thrice  fortunate  they  whom  death  has  thus  suddenly  overtaken. 
From  every  direction  a  wail  of  woe  fills  the  ear.  A  chilling  rain 
has  drenched  the  gory  ground.  Many  of  the  wounded  who  have 
painfully  dragged  themselves  into  the  ravines  and  gullies  to  escape 
the  tempest  of  shot,  the  trampling  of  iron  hoofs,  and  the  crush  of 
artillery  wheels,  are  struggling  convulsively  in  beds  of  mire.  Oth- 
ers, who  have  tried  to  escape  from  this  scene  of  horror  by  crossing 
the  treacherous  ice  on  the  river,  are  engulfed  in  its  depths  ;  and  the 
wind,  moaning  through  the  leafless  branches  of  the  willows  on  the 
bank,  sighs  their  sad  requiem.  Twilight  deepens,  and  one  by  one 
the  silent  sentinels  of  night  come  out  in  the  sky.  The  moon  in  radi- 
ant beauty  rises  serenely  in  the  east,  looking  down  with  her  mild 
reproof  upon  the  terrible  spectacle. 

Near  a  small  mound,  a  short  distance  from  the  river,  lies,  in  the 
agonies  of  death,  a  young  soldier  who  but  a  few  short  weeks  before 
had  been  given  up  by  a  fond  mother  as  a  sacrifice  on  the  altar  of  the 
fatherland.  May  not  the  decrees  of  the  Grod  of  battles  be  altered  by 
praying  ?  May  not  this  poor  unfortunate  one  be  spared  to  the  wid- 
owed mother  whose  tearful  supplication  continually  ascends  to  high 
Heaven,  imploring  the  Father  of  the  fatherless  to  watch  over  the 
safety  of  her  child?  But  in  vain  ;  the  icy  finger  of  death  is  on  him, 
and  the  dread  ferryman  is  waiting  to  transport  his  lingering  spirit 
over  the  dark  flowing  river.  The  death-rattle  is  in  his  throat :  he 
thinks  of  home,  mother,  sister,  then  shrieks  and  —  dies. 

Near  by  is  seen  another  poor  victim  stricken  down  in  his  vigorous 
manhood.  Anguish  is  depicted  on  his  countenance.  Can  no  aid 
reach  this  one  and  alleviate  his  suff"ering?  Yes,  for  he  has  simply 
sprained  his  foot,  and  St.  Jacob's  Oil  will  cure  him. 

Price  50  cents  a  bottle.    Sold  by  all  druggists. 

BOOK  NOTICES. 

Wave  Motion.  —  A  novel.    By  Peter  S.  Michie,  professor  of 
natural  and  experimental  philosophy  in  the  United  States  Military 
,  Academy.    Bound  in  cloth  and  illustrated.    New  York  :  D.  Yan 
Nostrand  &  Co.    Price  four  dollars  and  eighty  cents. 
This  exquisite  and  interesting  novel  was  issued  to  us  by  the  Cadet 
Commissary  some  time  ago,  and  it  certainly  merits  a  thorough 
perusal.    The  j^lot  is  deep,  and  the  characters  are  well  portrayed. 
In  fact,  the  author  seems  to  have  diligently  and  faithfully  gone,  in 
his  search  for  data,  into  the  most  minute  details,  and  with  most 
elaborate  care. 

The  plot  is  laid  in  the  Phil  Academy,  and  although  the  date  is 
rather  indefinite,  the  illustrations  are  numerous  and  elegant. 

The  heroine  of  the  tale,  Miss  Mary  Cule,  or,  as  she  is  familiarly 


20 


called,  "  Molly  Cule,"  is  a  most  attractice  little  thing.  Though  her 
sphere  is  not  large,  she  moves  in  it  with  untiring  activity  and  the 
utmost  grace,  and  her  power  over  those  around  her  is  unlimited. 

The  hero  is  Mr.  Michael  Roscope,  —  a  name  which  is  of  course 
abbreviated  by  his  mates  to  Mike  Roscope.  He  is  of  a  very  inquis- 
itive turn  of  mind,  —  an  earnest  searcher  after  truth,  and  is  most 
assiduous  in  his  endeavors  to  captivate  Miss  Molly ;  but,  sad  to  relate, 
he  is  invariably  unsuccessful. 

The  incidents  of  the  tale  are  brought  out  with  great  force  and 
admirable  novelty,  and  the  descriptions  are  perfect.  Numerous 
jokes  are  interspersed  throughout  the  text,  taken  mostly  from  the 
Greek  alphabet.  Some  of  the  passages  are  of  such  surpassing 
beauty  and  flow  of  language,  that  we  cannot  refrain  from  a  selection. 

"In  a  homogeneous  medium  the  arbitrary  displacement  of  a  mole- 
cule gives  rise  to  elastic  forces  whose  intensities  depend  on  the  de- 
gree and  direction  of  the  displacement,  and  whose  directions  are  not 
in  general  those  of  the  displacement,  and  as  we  have  seen  that  the 
displacements  must  be  made  only  in  exceptional  directions,  in  order 
that  the  elastic  forces  varying  with  the  degree  of  displacement  should 
be  wholly  in  those  directions,  if  the  orbit  of  the  displaced  molecule 
be  curvilinear,  it  is  evident  that  at  each  point  of  its  path  the  elastic 
forces  developed  should  vary  both  in  direction  and  intensity,  and 
thus  the  general  problem  becomes  one  of  extreme  intricacy." 

What  a  depth  of  feeling  !  What  pathos  !  Is  it  to  be  wondered 
at  that  second-class  men  should  become  so  intensely,  madly  inter- 
ested, and  that  they  should  forsake  "The  Colonel's  Daughter,"  and 
"Won  at  West  Point,"  and  turn  with  eagerness  to  this,  the  novel 
of  novels,  and  sit  up  till  long  after  "  taps"  studying  the  character 
of  Miss  Molly  or  reading  of  the  adventure  of  Mr.  Roscope  ?  We 
heartily  commend  the  book  to  those  who  are  in  search  of  something 
novel,  and  may  they  enjoy  it  as  we  have. 

PERSONALS. 

"You're  another." 

Mr.  Potter  is  said  to  be  the  homeliest  man  in  the  United  States. 
(We  refer  him  to  our  fighting  editors.) 

The  shoemaker  says  that  Mr.  Thompson  is  a  good  customer.  He 
never  stands  on  trifles. 


21 


FrXNY  COLUAiy. 

Josh  Billings. 
Artemus  Ward. 
Lewis.  I.  X. 
Reber. 

A  GEM   FROM  JOMINI. 

There  are  five  things  thai  the  modern  soldier  never  wants  to  be 
separated  from, — his  bed,  his  breakfast,  dinner  and  supper,  and  two 
pounds  of  tobac-co. 

Congress  seems  to  be  having  considerable  trouble  in  obtaining  a 
proper  party  to  send  north  to  find  Lieut.  Greeley.  The  Howitzer 
siTgo'ests  that  they  St-nd  the  Academic  Board,     They  can  find  him, 

INTERVIEW  WITH   A  RETURNED  EURLOrGHMAX. 

A  reporter  of  the  Howitzer  called  upon  a  returned  fuidoughman 
the  other  day.  and  the  following  is  the  result:  ••  TTell.  G-eorge  S.. 
what  did  you  do  on  furlough  ?       ■■  Oh.  nothing,  but  -  spoon." 

A  coxrxDRrM. 

Why  is  the  sentinel  on  the  color  line  like  Fitz  Juhn  Porter  ? 
Because  he  attracts  a  great  deal  of  attention  calling  for  relief. 

TWO   SCENES  ERCOI  THE  LIFE  OF  A  LUDE, 
Sceiie  I.    Chemical  LoJjoratory , 

Instructor  beamingly  .  —  ■■  Mr.  H..  can  you  give  a  simple  method 
of  making  a  magnet  of  a  bar  of  iron 

Mr.  H.  thoughtfully  ,  —  ■•Yes.  sir.  Tl'  magnify  a  bar  of  iron 
you  drive  the  north  end  of  an  iron  poker  into  the  maenetic  meri- 
dian with  a  wooden  mallet,'" 

(Curtain, 

>^cene  II.     Temple  of  History, 

Instructor.  —  Mr.  H..  you  may  give  a  brief  account  of  the  origin 
of  Mohammedanism. 

Mr,  H.  —  Yes.  sir  :  Mahomet  was  a  man  embarrassing  pause}  ; 
he  was  born  in  Mecca.  He  used  to  go  out  to  a  cave  to  muse. 
He  didn't  like  the  Arabian  religion,  so  he  got  one  up  of  his  own. 


22 


They  persecuted  him  in  Mecca,  so  he  took  his  wife  Hegira  and  fled 
to  Medina. 

(More  curtain.) 

OTHER    SCENES  FROM  HISTORY. 

Mr.  C.  (reciting).  — "  Now  this  country,  Phoenicia,  was  between 
the  river  Lebanon  and  the  sea." 

Instructor.  — "Was  Lebanon  a  river,  Mr.  C.  ?  " 

*'  No,  sir ;  Lebanon  was  not  river  —  but  —  Phoenicia  was  between 
Lebanon  and  the  Mediterranean." 

*'  What  was  Lebanon,  Mr.  C  ?  " 

"  A  city,  sir." 

ANOTHER. 

Instructor.  —  Where,  Mr.  C,  did  you  say  the  temple  of  Diana 
was?" 

Mr.  C.  —  "It  was  —  a  —  was  —  a  — " 

Instructor  (with  a  kindly  helping  suggestion  as  he  supposed). 
"Yes  ;  you  remember,  no  doubt,  the  phrase  in  the  Bible,  '  Great  is 
Diana  of  the  —  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  sir  ;  G-reat  is  Diana  of  the  Phoenicians." 

(Curtain  again.) 

PROBLEM  FOR  THIRD  CLASSMEN. 

Find  the  perspective  of  the  shadow  cast  by  coming  events. 

ANOTHER  CONUNDRUM. 

Why  are  the  new-style  safety  matches  like  Darius  Green's  flying 
machine  ?    Because  the  trouble  is  when  you  come  to  light. 

"  Hutch"  inquires,  "  Why  is  a  coming  event  like  a  dog's  tail  ?  " 
The  answer  is,  "  Because  it  is  something  to  occur." 

Our  devil  replies,  "  Why  is  Hutch's  cap  like  wave  motion  ?" 
"  Because  it  is  something  to  a  void." 

There  was  a  young  man  from  Kentucky 

Who  thought  himself  very  unlucky; 

At  every  new  "  break  " 

He  expected  a  "make," 

And  soldierly  attitudes  struck  he. 


23 


1884. 

This  being  leap  year,  the  duty  of  making  matrimonial  proposals 
will  devolve  upon  the  opposite  sex,  so  we  deem  it  advisable  to  point 
out  a  few  "  eligible  "  young  ladies,  shall  I  say  ?  with  a  short  description 
of  each,  and  the  best  method  of  approaching  them.  Among  the 
most  prominent  belles  are  :  — 

Miss  Freddie  Palmer.  This  charming  young  lady  has  a  delicate 
blonde  complexion  and  a  lithe,  willowy  form  ;  is  quiet  and  demure 
when  not  awake ;  has  a  perennial  smile  of  great  range  and  clear- 
ness. She  will  be  difficult  to  woo  and  almost  impossible  to  win.  In 
fact,  she  is  a  decided  coquette. 

Miss  Cole,  J.  A.  A  tall  stately  blonde,  with  a  queenl}-  carriage 
and  high  soprano  voice ;  speaks  French  fluently,  also  Irish ;  as 
shy  as  a  pheasant  in  one  of  her  native  Wisconsin  woods.  She  will 
probably  die  an  old  maid. 

Miss  Morse.  A  petite  brunette  ;  most  bewitchingly  sweet,  but 
a  desperate  flirt.    We  warn  everybody  against  her. 

Miss  Hutcheson.  Another  flirt ;  a  light,  angular  blonde  with  a 
celestial  countenance,  a  profusion  of  golden  hair  ;  rather  a3sthetic. 
Is  difficult  to  understand,  and  may  appear  captured  when  really 
scarcely  interested. 

Miss  F.  Sayre.  A  picturesque  young  lady  with  a  smile  remark- 
able for  its  sweetness  and  breadth.  The  citadel  of  her  heart  can  only 
be  captured  by  a  regular  siege,  with  a  complete  system  of  parallels 
and  approaches.  Our  advice  is,  go  slow  and  don't  do  any  thing 
suddenly. 

Miss  Gretchen  Cress.  A  rosy-cheeked  damsel  with  soft  blue 
eyes.  Will  be  a  great  heiress  in  case  some  one  leaves  her  a  large 
fortune. 

There  are  many  others,  but  our  space  is  limited. 


24 


NED  GILPIN'S  EIDE. 

A  first-sergeant  named  Ned  is  well  known  in  the  corps; 
Well  known  for  Lis  "skins,"  which  he  counts  l^y  the  score; 
For  hi3  brace,  and  his  voice,  and  above  all  his  fall, 
"Which  happened  quite  recently  down  at  the  hall. 

He  was  going  around  at  a  moderate  pace,  — 

There 'd  have  been  some  excuse  had  he  been  in  a  race,  -— 

And  was  cutting  at  heads  as  they  lay  on  the  ground, 

Not  expecting  his  horse  to  go  off  at  a  bound 

And  leave  him  behind,  plowing  bark  with  his  ear, 

A  little  ashamed  of  the  way  he'd  appear 

To  the  ladies  who  watched  all  the  riders  below, 

And  laughed  when  they  saw  that  Ned's  horse  was  so  slow. 

But  such  was  the  case ;  for  at  one  little  swerve 

He  tottered  and  tell,  describing  a  curve 

Not  mentioned  in  Calculus,  neither  in  Phil., 

But  sometimes  described  by  a  man  'gainst  his  will. 

But  Ned  had  been  raised  on  army  rations, 

"  With  all  of  their  marvelous  manifestations ; " 

So  up  he  arose  with  his  usual  grace, 

And  brushing  the  tan-bark  off  his  face. 

He  sheathed  his  knile  with  deliberate  care, 

Put  on  his  cap  and  smoothed  his  hair. 

And  strode  across  the  tan-bark  hall 

As  though  he'd  never  had  a  tall; 

His  head  erect,  and  his  shoulders  back. 

While  his  horse  went  on  around  the  track. 

He  captured  his  steed  at  the  opposite  squad, 

After  chasing  it  round  for  many  a  rod ; 

And  putting  his  hands  on  his  back  and  his  mane, 

With  many  a  struggle  he  mounted  again. 

With  no  loss  of  his  dignity,  —  •*  nary  a  smile,"  — 

Which  shows  him  a  thoroughly  disciplined  file. 

He  was  mounted  again,  not  only  astride 
Of  his  razor-backed  horse,  but  his  sabre  beside; 
And  finding  his  seat  most  uncomfortably  rare, — 
A  little  akin  to  the  "  verge  of  despair,"  — 
Atter  glancing  around  at  his  fortunate  neighbor, 
He  lets  go  of  the  reins  and  clutches  his  sabre. 

Oh !  wasn't  he  there  in  a  perilous  plight, 
That  warrior  bold  all  armed  tor  the  fight! 
As  he  clung  to  his  sabre  instead  of  the  rein, 
His  horse  started  out  on  the  rampage  again. 

But  e'en  though  his  steed  had  a  mud-turtle  gait, 
Ned  thought  it  too  fast,  and  concluded  to  wait; 
So,  taking  a  header  without  any  cause. 
He  lit  in  the  bark  amidst  shouts  ot  applause. 

This  tale  has  a  sequel :  in  two  years  at  the  most, 
When  Ned  is  assigned  to  a  cavalry  post, 
His  "  throws  "  will  be  costly,  — in  fact,  they'll  come  high; 
It'll  take  all  his  salary  for  "  Mumm's  Extra  Dry." 


25 

KETTLE-DRXJM. 

One  of  the  most  "recherche"  gatherings  of  the  present  season 
took  place  last  week.  It  was  a  leap-year  kettle-drum,  given  by  Miss 
Edwina  Babbitt  and  Miss  Emma  Ayer,  at  their  palatial  residence, 
"  The  Tower,"  situated  in  the  most  aristocratic  portion  of  the  First 
Division.  Yery  elaborate  preparations  had  been  made  for  the  occa- 
sion. The  mansion,  notably  one  of  the  most  sumptuous,  was 
arranged  with  exquisite  taste.  A  word  as  to  the  residence  itself 
may  not  be  out  of  place.  The  architecture  is  that  of  a  Norman 
castle.  There  is  a  prominent  structure  in  Sing  Sing  built  and  run 
on  similar  principles.  The  internal  decorations  of  "The  Tower" 
combine  Spartan  simplicity  with  commissary  curtains.  The  walls 
are  of  a  peculiar,  dazzling,  kind  of  a  russet-white  color,  made  by 
applying  a  liquid  solution  of  calcium  hydrate,  a  rare  and  more  or 
less  costly  substance.  The  floor  and  wood-work  are  of  a  precious 
wood  known  as  ^-  Pinus  variahilis^'^  a  wood  discovered  by  Prof.  Ma- 
han,  "  fine-grained,  moderately  resinous,  strong  and  durable."  Soon 
after  ten  o'clock  the  guests  began  to  arrive,  and  filled,  first  the  bril- 
liantly lighted  salons,  and  then  —  themselves.  After  interchange 
of  the  customary  salutations,  refreshments  were  served.  Rare  and 
costly  viands  were  provided,  some  of  which  had  been  imported  at 
considerable  trouble  from  the  cadet  mess-hall.  Great  credit  is  due 
for  the  success  of  this  part  of  the  entertainment  to  Miss  Daisy 
Shanks,  who  had  been  appointed  toast-mistress  —  to  make  the  toast. 
Some  of  the  costumes  worn  were  superb  ;  some  had  never  been  worn 
before  (and  many,  it  is  hoped,  will  never  be  worn  again).  Miss 
Babbitt,  who  did  the  delicate  duties  of  hostess  with  her  usual  ex- 
quisite tact,  was  attired  in  a  costume  of  blue  counterscarp,  cut  "  en 
barbette,"  with  "  cremaillere  "  lace  in  the  sleeves  and  at  the  neck. 
Miss  Ayer,  who  assisted  her,  wore  a  dinner  dress  with  casemated 
sleeves  and  pontoon  train.  Miss  Morse  wore  a  costume  of  Pisa  re- 
vetment overlaid  with  a  net  work  of  gabions  and  fascines.  For 
ornaments  a  simple  necklace  of  ordnance  considerations.  Miss 
Jumbo  Knight,  who  eventually  took  charge  of  most  of  the  refresh- 
ments, wore  gray  genouillere  with  enfiladed  bastions.  She  carried 
an  elegant  bouquet  of  Marechal  Davoust  roses.  Miss  Gaillard  wore 
a  novel  and  picturesque  attire  of  her  own  invention.    It  was  made 


26 


of  heavy  caponniere,  cut  "  en  magasin  de  poudre,^^  with  blind  em- 
brasures scarped  in  front  with  delicate  glacis  work.  On  the  whole, 
the  affair  was  a  most  brilliant  one. 

The  Howitzer  has  received  many  contributions  concerning  the 
after-sunset  glow ;  we  have  room  only  for  the  following :  — 

THE  AFTER-SUNSET  GLOW. 
Air— The  Wearing  of  the  Green. 

Come,  boys,  and  take  your  glasses, 

And  stand  up  in  a  row ; 
For  a  scientific  singing,  boys, 

We're  going  for  to  go. 
In  the  nortli's  the  fair  Aurora, 

With  its  radiant  lightning  how. 
And  in  the  west  that  frightful  pest, 

The  after-sunset  glow. 
Chorus  :  The  after-sunset  glow-o-ow,  etc. 

You  may  aim  your  glass  at  Venus, 

Have  a  squint  at  father  Mars, 
And  with  self-reliance  take  a  shot 

At  trillion -mile-off  stars ; 
But  if  you  want  the  substance 

For  a  scientific  blow, 
Incline  the  glass's  muzzle  toward 

The  after-sunset  glow. 
Chorus  :  The  after-sunset  glow-o-ow,  etc. 

Then  quickly  take  your  Bai'tlett's  Phil. 

And  closely  scan  it  o'er; 
Pick  out  these  daisy  subjects,  boys, 

Some  three  or  four  or  more, — 
The  rolling  cone  and  dog-house  and 

The  punch-bowl's  steady  flow,— 
And  mix  the  mess  together 

For  the  after-sunset  glow. 
Chorus  :  The  after-sunset  glo-o-ow,  etc. 

Stir  it  up  with  Airy's  rainbow. 

Add  a  score  of  meteors  bright. 
Blow  air  in  through  an  organ  pipe 

To  make  it  "  sound  and  light." 
Let  it  stand  for  a  lunation 

Where  the  "  stagnant  torrents  flow," 
And  you'll  have  an  explanation 

For  the  after-sunset  glow. 
Chorus  :  The  after-sunset  glow-ow-ow,  etc. 

MiKB." 


27 


West  Point,  N.  Y.,  February  22,  1884. 
The  Editor  of  the  Hoivitzer: — 

Sir,  —  I  would  respectfully  state  that  when  "  Night  let  her  sable 
curtain  down,"  its  color  was  hired,  and  she  has  received  orders  to  put 
up  curtains  of  the  uniform  pattern  and  color. 

Very  respectfully. 

Your  obedient  servant, 

D.  D.  G., 
Cadet  Quartennaster. 

West  Point,  N.  Y.,  February  22,  1884. 
The  Editor  of  the  Howitzer: — 

Sir,  —  I  have  the  honor  to  state  that  to  the  best  of  my  knowledge 
and  experience,  the  after-sunset  glow  must  be  a  reflection  from  the 
rosy  cheeks  and  ruby  lips  of  the  girls  that  are  waiting  to  welcome 
us  home. 

Respectfully  submitted. 

S.  D.  S., 

Cadet  Lieutenant  and  Adjutant. 

West  Point,  N.  Y.,  February  22,  1884. 
The  Editor  of  the  Hov:itzer: — 

Sir,  —  I  have  the  honor  to  state  that  I  have  had  an  extensive 
personal  experience  in  the  matter  of  glows,  and  it  is  my  firm  belief 
that  the  after-sunset  glow  is  entirely  due  to  old  SoFs  getting  a  bad 
case  of  the  grins. 

Respectfullv  submitted. 

J.  D.  B., 

Cadet  Quartermaster- Sergeant. 

West  Point,  X.  Y.,  February  22,  1884. 
The  Editor  of  the  Howitzer: — 

Sir, —  I  have  the  honor  to  state  that  I  believe  the  true  explana- 
tion of  the  after-sunset  glow  is  to  be  found  in  Holmes's  lines :  — 

"  Day  has  put  on  his  jacket,  and  around 
His  hurning  bosom  buttoned  it  with  stars." 

I  would  respectfully  suggest  that  Day  be  reported  for  '-  jacket 
unbuttoned  at  retreat." 

Very  respectfully, 

Your  obedient  servant, 

W.  E.  C, 
Cadet  Sergeant-Major . 

howitzer  edition  of  poetry. 

The  Howitzer  will  soon  issue  an  improved  volume  of  poetry  to 
meet  a  long-felt  want.  Poets  are  proverbially  careless  in  the  matter 
of  explicitly  defining  the  meaning  of  words  and  expressions,  particu- 


28 


larly  technical  ones  whicti  they  use,  and  all  editions  of  their  poems 
are  singularly  lacking  in  explanatory  notes.  This  defect  the  How- 
itzer proposes  to  remedy  by  publishing  a  volume  of  choice  selec- 
tions, with  all  doubtful  or  technical  expressions  carefully  explained 
in  foot  notes.  To  give  a  better  idea  of  the  scope  of  the  work,  we 
cull  a  few  selections  at  random  :  — 

BYRON'S  BATTLE  OF  WATERLOO  IN  CHILDE  HAROLDE. 

"  And  there  was  mounting  in  hot  haste  the  steed ; 
The  mustering  squadron  and  the  hattle-car 
Went  rolling  forward  with  impetuous  speed, 
And  swiftly  forming  in  the  ranks  of  war." 

Notes.  —  "  Battle-car."  Thepoetis  slightly  inaccurate;  he  probably  means 
either  a  caisson  or  a  battery-wagon.  The  latter  is  a  large  rectangular  box 
covered  with  painted  canvas,  and  supported  on  three  side  rails  (Gaillard). 
Its  use  is  to  transport  implements  lor  armorers  and  laboratorians ;  also 
carries  both  axes  and  spai-e  axes. 

"  Impetuous  speed."   Double  time,  —  the  rate  being  165  steps  to  the  minute. 

"  The  steed."  The  horse  transports  his  load  in  two  ways:  1st,  as  a  draft- 
horse;  and  2d,  as  a  mule.  For  a  pack-horse  the  mule  is  a  better  horse  than 
the  horse  himself,  as,  being  shorter,  the  bending  moment  is  less. 

"The  mustering  squadron."  Each  captain,  as  the  inspecting  officer  ap- 
proaches, causes  sabres  to  be  drawn  and  commands  "Attention  to  muster." 

"  Mounting  in  hot  haste."  A  very  felicitous  expression.  Byron  must  have 
seen  Mr.  Palmer  in  the  riding-hall. 

Another  selection. 

BURIAL  OF  SIR  JOHN  MOORE. 

"Not  a  drum  was  heard,  not  a  funeral  note, 
As  his  corse  from  the  rampart  we  hurried,"  etc. 

Notes.  —  "  From  the  rampart  we  hurried."  The  reason  for  the  haste  in  get- 
ting away  from  a  rampart  was  doubtless  due  to  the  fact  that  they  had  been 
studying  "  Wheeler's  Permanent  Fortifications." 

"  Not  a  drum  was  heard."  The  Oflicer  of  the  Day  could  not  find  the  orderly. 

THE  FORT  THAT  JACK  BUILT. 

This  is  the  fort  that  Jack  built.  This  is  the  re-entering  place-of- 
arms  of  the  fort  that  Jack  built.  This  is  the  parapet  of  the  redoubt 
of  the  re-entering  place-of-arms  of  the  fort  that  Jack  built.  This 
is  the  interior  crest  of  the  parapet  of  the  redoubt  of  the  re-entering 
place-of-arms  of  the  fort  that  Jack  built.  This  is  the  salient  of  the 
interior  crest  of  the  parapet  of  the  redoubt  of  the  re-entering  place- 
of-arms  of  the  fort  that  Jack  built.  This  is  the  reference  of  the 
salient  of  the  interior  crest  of  the  parapet  of  the  redoubt  of  the 
re-entering  place-of-arms  of  the  fort  that  Jack  built. 

A  BLOOD-CURDLING  INCIDENT. 

'  Twas  a  beautiful,  balmy,  sleepy,  Sunday  afternoon.  The  Corps 
had  fought  a  noble  battle  at  dinner  that  day,  and  now,  after  their 


29 


usual  Sunday  portion  of  roast  pork  and  mince-pie.  had  sought  tte 
solace  of  their  couches,  and  had  sunk  into  a  refreshing  slumber. 

The  Fifth  Division  was  peaceful  and  quiet  as  the  grave  (  Baker, 
D.  J.,  was  absent  on  permit  ),  save  that  ever  and  anon  were  heard  the 
measured  breathings  of  the  happy  sleepers,  while  from  Simpson's 
room  proceeded  a  deep,  regular,  lower  Gr  snore  that  made  a  not 
unpleasant  accompaniment  to  the  whole. 

Bright  visions  of  graduating  leaves,  camp,  and  furlough  were 
flitting  through  the  minds  of  the  happy  dreamers.  Palmer,  in  his 
dreams,  was  explaining  to  some  poor  unfortunate  his  latest  prospect 
of  gaining  a  file  in  class  standing :  there's  no  telling  how  many 
stripes,  arcs,  etc.,  Riche  would  have  had  on  his  sleeve  had  he  been 
present,  but  he  was  taking  his  Sunday-afternoon  recreation  on  the 
river:  and  Fuller  —  but  the  deacon  had  eaten  too  much  dinner 
and  wasn't  dreaming  at  all :  while  Poore  believed  himself  in  that 
fair  country  where  the  sergeants  cease  from  skinning  and  the 
yearlings  are  at  rest. 

All  of  these  bright  visions  are  in  full  blast,  when  —  Horror.'! 
"What  is  that  awful,  marrow-freezing,  spine-chilling,  flesh-creeping 
sound  that  breaks  in  upon  the  Sabbath  calm  ?  Each  would-be 
slumberer  springs  from  his  bed.  his  hands  instinctively  chitcliing  the 
rifle  or  sabre  nearest  him.  while  visions  of  Indian  massacres  and  the 
war  in  Egypt  flit  through  his  startled  brain. 

Again  that  awful,  horror-inspiring  sound  comes  rushing  up  the 
iron  stairway.  AYith  a  groan  of  relief  (  and  other  remarks j  the  re-as- 
sured sleepers  drop  their  weapons  and  again  seek  their  beds.  They 
have  heard  that  sound  before.  It  was  the  thundering  voice  of  D  " 
company's  martial  captain,  echoing  this  sweet  and  sonorous  strain 
■"Hugh  Grallagher-r-r." 

The  following  cogent  explanation  was  submitted  by  a  member  of 
the  first  class  :  — 

West  Point,  N.  Y.,  November  31,  1883. 
Report.  —  Light  in  quarters  after  11  p.  M. 

Explanation.  —  I  would  respectfully  state  that  my  room-mate  was 
Officer  of  the  Day,  consequently  I  was  entitled  to  a  light  after  11  ; 
and  that  I  was  not  orderly,  and  so  not  responsible  for  it ;  also  I  was 
in  the  hospital  at  the  time,  and  therefore  could  not  have  put  it  out. 


30 


I  would  further  state  that  there  was  no  light  in  my  quarters  alter 
11  p.  M. 

Respectfully  submitted. 

Napier  Ten  Eyck, 
Cadet  Pvt.  Co.  1st  class. 

To  Lt.  Col.  H.  C.  Hasbrouck, 
Com.  Corps  Cadets. 


To  the  Editor  of  the  Hoivitzer:-^ 

It  has  been  a  time-honored  custom  for  some  one  blest  with  a  Jules 
Vernian  imagination  to  manufacture  a  dream  to  order,  and  impose 
it  on  the  unsuspecting  public  through  the  columns  of  the  Howitzer 
as  a  genuine  mince-pie  vision.  On  this  occasion  I  have  been  placed 
on  the  dream  detail. 

Whatever  may  be  the  apparent  discrepancies  of  this  dream,  how- 
ever closely  it  may  verge  on  the  improbable,  let  it  be  remembered 
that  it  is  genuine,  and  that  no  attempt  has  been  made  to  reconcile 
inconsistencies  at  the  expense  of  truth.  It  is  not  offered  as  a  prize 
dream,  but  is  given  just  as  it  was  dreamed,  and  for  what  it  is  worth. 

I  dreamed  that  I  dwelt  in  marble  halls,  third  division,  second  floor, 
left  hand  area  room.  I  had  been  reported  for  "  obtaining  correct 
answer  to  ordnance  problem."  I  had  stated  in  my  explanation  that 
the  offense  was  unintentional,  and  that  under  the  excitement  of  the 
moment  I  had  lost  my  head,  and  while  laboring  under  one  of  those 
fits  of  mental  aberration  to  which  all  men  are  subject  at  times,  I  had 
committed  the  offense.  Judge  of  my  surprise  when  an  order  was 
read  at  parade,  stating  that  on  account  of  the  unprecedented  charac- 
ter of  my  offense  I  was  sentenced  to  be  beheaded.  I  at  once  served 
out  a  writ  of  habeas  corpus  on  the  ground  that  said  corpus  would 
be  of  no  use  to  the  government  after  the  head  was  removed,  and 
further  objected  to  the  sentence  as  unconstitutional,  since  the  con- 
stitution provides  that  no  person  shall  be  twice  placed  in  jeopardy 
of  life  or  limb  for  the  same  offense,  whereas,  as  stated  in  my  expla- 
nation. I  lost  my  head  at  the  time  the  offense  was  committed.  The 
objection  was  not  sustained,  it  being  held  that  the  head  is  not  a 
limb  within  the  meaning  of  the  law,  and  that,  furthermore,  there  is 
nothing  in  the  constitution  giving  the  federal  courts  jurisdiction  in 
the  matter. 


31 


When  it  was  known  that  the  decree  was  irrevocable,  my  friends 
crowded  round  me,  and  with  tears  in  their  voices  plead  for  a  first  on 
my  white  pants.  Such  devotion  overcame  me.  and  for  the  first  time 
I  wept.  Feeling  that  there  was  no  longer  hope.  I  stibmitted  a  per- 
mit craving  the  boon  of  being  my  own  executioner,  stating  that  it 
would  not  interfere  with  academic  duties,  and  that  no  undue  advan- 
tage would  be  taken.  The  next  morning  I  was  sent  for  by  the  Offi- 
cer in  Charge  and  informed  that  the  permit  had  been  granted,  but 
that  it  had  been  decided  to  offer  me  an  alternative  punishment, 
namely,  light  prison  for  life.  My  blood  boiled.  What,  sir."  said 
I,  can  you  sttppose  for  an  instant  that  I  could  revel  in  luxury  the 
remainder  of  my  life  while  the  Officer  of  the  Day  suffered  for  my 
crime  ?  He  seemed  to  gather,  for  he  left  the  room  without  a  word, 
beckoning  me  to  follow  him.  He  led  the  way  to  a  dark  opening  in 
the  side  of  the  mountain  just  behind  the  commissary  building.  We 
entered  and  groped  otir  way  along  the  dark  underground  passage, 
and  finally  emerged  into  a  small  chamber,  •'■  Your  last  alternative," 
said  my  guide,  "is  to  rt-main  a  prisoner  in  this  subterranean  cell 
until  yoti  dig  for  yourself  a  passage  to  the  outer  world,"'  at  the  same 
time  handing  me  an  intrenching  bayonet.  I  had  used  a  similar  tool 
before.  I  was  about  to  hand  it  back  to  him  with  the  remark  that 
if  it  was  all  the  same  to  him  I  would  prefer  a  Cjuicker  and  less  pain- 
ful death,  when  there  seemed  to  appear  before  me  a  sweet  face,  with 
sad  reproachful  eyes,  that  bade  be  make  one  more  effort  for  life.  I 
said  I  would  accept  the  terms,  and  immediately  was  alone. 

From  the  angle  of  our  descent,  I  judged  that  the  chamber  must 
be  directly  under  the  ditch  of  Fort  Put."  and  about  three  hundred 
feet  below  the  stirface.  A  passage  from  a  favorite  author  flashed 
across  my  mind.  •■  An  ordinary  soldier,  armed  with  such  a  tool,  can 
excavate  fotir  cttbic  yards  of  earth  per  dav."  A  hasty  calculation 
told  me  I  wotild  be  out  in  time  for  graduation.  With  a  cheerful 
heart  I  plunci'ed  the"*  implement  into  the  earth.  It  struck  a  stone 
slab  set  in  the  wall.  Passino-  my  hand  over  it  I  found  that  it  bore 
an  inscription.  Letter  by  letter  I  traced  it  oitt.  As  I  proceeded  a 
cold  sweat  appeared  on  my  brow,  the  bayonet  dropped  from  my 
nerveless  fingers,  my  blood  ran  cold  until  it  seemed  to  freeze  in  my 
veins,  and  when  I  reached  the  last  three  letters,  and  the  terrible 


32 


truth  flaslied  upon  me,  I  sank  on  my  knees  in  despair,  for  I  knew 
the  task  was  hopeless.    The  terrible  inscription  read  :  — 

CAPONNIERE, 

Constructed  for  the  defense  of  Fort  Putnam  Ditch, 
under  the  direction  of 
D.  D.  G. 

I  dashed  out  through  the  dark  passage,  rushed  to  my  room,  seized 
a  sabre,  laid  my  head  on  an  Indian  club,  stepped  back  two  paces 
and  executed  "  left  cut  against  infantry."  The  head  rolled  on  the 
floor.  I  picked  it  up,  hung  it  on  a  hat-peg,  and  looking  it  stead- 
fastly in  the  eye,  calmly  awaited  the  silent  messenger  of  death.  A 
footstep  strangely  soft  and  weird  was  heard  outside  ;  it  approached 
my  chamber  ;  some  one  entered  ;  it  was  not  the  silent  messenger,  it 
was  an  orderly.  He  said  the  Officer  in  Charge  wanted  to  see  me. 
I  obeyed  the  summons  and  was  addressed  as  follows  :  — 

"  It  has  been  decided  that  your  punishment  is  far  too  light  for 
the  off'ense,  and  the  sentence  has  therefore  been  changed  to  three 
days  consecutive  attendance  at  Spanish."  Seeing  my  look  of  horror 
he  hastened  to  state,  that  in  order  to  render  the  execution  of  the  sen- 
tence possible  I  would  be  excused  from  all  other  recitations  and 
from  marching  to  meals,  and  would  be  allowed  a  light  until  1  a.  m., 
and  that  the  sentence  as  thus  mitigated  would  be  duly  executed. 
At  that  moment  the  bugle  blew  and  I  hastened  from  the  room  and 
fell  in  ranks. 

Troubles  seemed  to  multiply.  The  officer  of  the  day  gave  me 
three  reports,  for  which  I  submitted  explanations  as  follows  :  — 

Report :    Hanging  head  in  ranks  marching  to  Spanish. 

Explanation  :  I  would  respectfully  state  that  the  report  is  a  mis- 
take.   I  hung  my  head  on  a  cap-peg  in  my  quarters. 

Report :   Hair  cut  by  some  one  other  than  the  cadet  barber. 

Explanation  :  I  would  respectfully  state  that  I  had  a  permit  to 
cut  off  my  head  and  supposed  the  hair  was  to  go  with  it. 

Report :    Cap  on  side  of  head  marching  to  academic  building. 

Explanation  :  I  would  respectfully  state  that  I  think  the  report 
is  undeserved  for  the  following  reasons  :  — 

First,  I  wore  no  cap. 

Second,  I  had  no  head. 

Third,  the  cap  was  a  new  one  and  of  the  latest  pattern,  and  as  I 


33 


had  not  had  time  to  cut  it  down,  its  center  of  gravity  was  so  far 
above  the  point  of  contact  as  to  put  it  in  a  state  of  unstable  equilib- 
rium. 

All  the  reports  stuck. 

At  this  point  the  dream  became  confused.  An  appropriate  and 
thrilling  ending  might  be  invented  for  it,  but  it  would  be  a  pity  to 
mar  its  marvelous  beauty  and  truth  by  any  thing  savoring  of  fiction 
or  exaggeration,  so  — 

Just  as  it  is,  without  one  plea, 

Except  its  sweet  simplicity, 

And  that  'twas  never  dreamed  by  me. 

This  production  is  most  respectfully  submitted. 

Abou  Ben  Adam. 


LETTER  FROM  A  CANDIDATE. 

Sand  Hill.  Herkimer  Co.,  Ark., 

February  10,  1884. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Howitzer  :  — 

Dear  Editor,  —  Having  been  appointed  a  cadet  to  the  West 
Point  College,  I  thought  I  would  write  and  ask  you  some  questions 
about  the  place,  and  whether  you  think  I  would  do  for  a  soldier. 

How  large  a  town  is  West  Point  ?  How  many  stores  and  black- 
smith-shops are  there  there  ?  Are  cadets  allowed  to  go  out  much 
at  night  ?  Do  you  have  to  study  much  ?  Could  I  get  rooms  with 
the  proprietor  of  the  college  ?  If  not,  could  I  get  any  better  rooms 
by  coming  early  ?  Do  you  have  real  guns  and  cannon  ?  How  about 
revolvers  ?  I  have  two  and  a  bowie-knife.  Will  I  need  them  ?  The 
paper  the  congressman  sent  me  don't  say  any  thing  about  them. 
What  is  a  black  stock,  and  what  is  a  gray  cloth  coatee  ?  Is  the 
superintendent  the  proprietor?  How  many  vacations  do  you  have  a 
year  ?  Do  you  think  I  will  do  ?  I  am  eighteen  years  old,  and  five 
feet,  eight  inches  high  ?  I  was  born  in  New  Jersey.  Would  that 
prevent  my  being  appointed  from  Arkansas  ?  Is  influence  any  use 
in  getting  admitted  to  West  Point  ?  My  father  is  postmaster  here, 
and  keeps  a  grocery;  he  is  also  coroner  and  notary  public  and 
magistrate.  Would  that  help  any  in  getting  in  ?  Do  cadets  all 
study  the  same  studies,  or  can  each  one  select  what  he  wants  to 
study  ?  If  you  answer  these  questions  you  will  confer  a  favor  on 

Yours  truly, 

J.  B.  Henderson. 

Sand  Hillj  Herkimer  Co.,  Ark. 
3 


34 


Yes,  Mr.  Henderson,  we  will  be  only  too  glad  to  answer  your 
questions,  and  give  you  all  the  advice  in  our  power. 

In  the  first  place,  your  expression  "  Dear  Editor,"  is  all  right 
applied  to  us,  but  be  careful  and  don't  use  the  expression  too  often  to 
others.  Never  speak  to  the  superintendent  as  "  Dear  Greneral,"  or  to 
the  instructor  as  "Dear  Lieutenant,"  or,  above  all,  never  speak  to 
that  brass-buttoned  monster  who  takes  charge  of  you  on  your  arrival 
as  "  Dear  Corporal."    Perhaps  this  latter  caution  is  unnecessary. 

As  to  your  questions :  West  Point  is  not  a  very  large  town,  and 
there  are  few  stores  and  blacksmith-shops.  Cadets  are  not  allowed 
to  go  out  very  much  at  night.  They  are  obliged  to  study  a  little 
once  in  a  while.  The  proprietor,  as  you  call  him,  has  at  present  no 
rooms  to  spare,  and  you  will  probably  be  obliged  to  live  in  a  build- 
ing called  barracks,  of  which  you  will  learn  more  hereafter. 

As  to  the  cannon,  etc. :  We  have  heard  it  said  by  fourth-classmen 
that  there  was  most  decided  reality  to  certain  brass  pieces  near  camp. 
Bring  your  bowie-knife  and  revolvers  by  all  means.  You  ought  also 
to  have  a  double-barreled  shot-gun,  both  for  aggressive  purposes  and 
for  hunting  snipe  in  the  area  of  barracks  on  Saturday  afternoons. 
This  area  is  a  wild  piece  of  ground  much  frequented  by  sportsmen. 

No,  the  superintendent  is  not  the  proprietor,  but  he  is  a  very 
influential  man  in  the  academy.  You  will  probably  follow  a  great 
deal  of  his  advice.  We  have  two  vacations  each  year :  one  in  June, 
when  we  vacate  barracks ;  and  one  in  September,  when  we  vacate 
camp.  Your  father's  influential  position  will  help  you  wonderfully. 
You  should  make  a  statement  of  it  in  your  examination  papers. 
Your  being  born  in  New  Jersey  would  not  prevent  your  being 
appointed  from  Arkansas,  but  it  would  from  any  other  state  in  the 
Union. 

Any  further  advice  or  information  we  will  be  happy  to  give  you. 


SUNDAY  READING. 

THE  PARABLE  OF  THE  REEKLESS  DEACON. 

And  at  that  time  there  dwelt  in  the  city  of  Ottawa,  in  the  land 
of  Illinois,  James,  the  son  of  Zedekiah,  of  the  house  of  Long,  a 
youth,  who,  having  sojourned  for  a  time  among  the  upright  and  vir- 
tuous at  the  military  academy,  had  since  departed  therefrom  and 


35 


fallen  into  the  ways  of  the  wicked  ;  yea.  even  had  become  a  drum- 
mer. And  it  came  to  pass  that  in  the  twelfth  month,  and  the  20th 
day  of  the  month,  he  arose  and  said  unto  himself :  Gro  to.  hast  thou 
forgotten  all  the  companions  of  thine  innocence?  And.  in  the  full- 
ness of  his  heart,  he  answered  and  said  unto  himself :  Xay.  even  so 
there  is  one  Deacon  the  Fullerite.  who  still  dwelleth  in  the  land  of 
milk,  but  of  no  honey  :  and  I  will  rejoice  his  heart,  for  will  I  not 
send  him  of  frankincense,  and  of  myrrh,  and  of  fine  gold,  whereof 
he  hath  much  need  ?  And  he  said  :  Xay.  not  of  these,  but  rather 
of  that  for  which  his  soul  yearneth  :  yea,  of  that  which  is  called 
'•  Lightning  of  Xew  Jersey."  And  he  arose  and  put  on  his  shoes, 
and  went  forth  unto  them  which  dealt  in  malt  liquors  and  strong 
wine.  And  he  drew  forth  one  shekel  of  brass  and  saith  unto  them  ; 
^'  Give  me  the  value  thereof."'  And  having  received  and  sampled 
it.  he  went  his  way  rejoicing. 

So.  it  came  to  pass  in  the  twelfth  month  and  the  27th  day  thereof, 
that  there  came  unto  Deacon  the  Fullerite  one  who  saith  unto  him  : 
■•  Behold,  the  Officer  in  Charge  hath  need  of  thee.  So  straightway 
he  arose  and  arrayed  himself  in  his  purple  and  fine  linen,  and  gat 
him  forth  and  stood  in  the  inner  court  of  the  guard-house,  over 
against  the  abode  of  the  Officer  in  Charge.  And  it  was  so.  that 
when  the  Officer  in  Charge  saw  Deacon  the  Fullerite  standing  in  the 
court,  he  found  favor  in  his  sight,  and  he  said  unto  him  :  Where- 
fore standest  thou  without  ?  "*  So  the  Deacon  drew  near  and  an- 
swered him.  saying:  •■  Here  am  I."'  Then  said  the  officer  unto 
him  :  Behold,  there  hath  come  from  afar  that  which  seemeth  thy 
property.  Here  it  lieth.  Knowest  thou  thereof?"'  And  the 
Deacon  seeing  that  there  was  written  thereon  in  large  characters. 
'-DUE  5,"  saith:  '-Verily.  I  know  it  not.'" 

Xow.  that  the  law  might  be  fulfilled,  as  it  is  written,  the  Officer 
in  Charge  said  unto  him  :  Open,  that  we  may  know  the  contents 
thereof."'    And  it  was  opened. 

Xow.  when  the  C)fficer  in  Charge  saw  that  it  was  Jersey  Light- 
ning, yea.  even  the  finest  corn  juice  of  Ottawa,  he  said  unto  him  : 
Get  thee  hence."    And  he  got  him  henceward.  and  went  away 
exceeding  sorrowful,  and  arrayed  himself  in  sackcloth  and  ashes. 
And  behold,  the  Deacon  read  the  following  day  upon  the  skin-board  : 
Deacon  the  Fullerite.  breaking  the  law  of  the  110th  chapter  of 


36 


the  Book  of  Regulations,  wlierein  it  is  written  :  Thou  shalt  not  drink 
of  the  fruit  of  the  vine,  nor  cause  it  to  be  brought  within  the  sanc- 
tuary of  cadet  limits ;  neither  thou,  nor  thy  room-mate,  nor  the 
stranger  that  is  within  thy  gates." 

And  thereupon  the  Deacon  was  exceeding  wroth,  and  he  smote 
his  breast  and  cried  aloud,  saying :  "I  will  arise  and  go  unto  the 
Commandant,  and  say  unto  him  :  •  Colonel,  I  am  innocent  of  this 
whereof  I  am  accused.  Behold,  it  is  the  work  of  mine  adversaries? 
who  go  about  seeking  to  do  me  evil.'  "  And  the  Colonel  said  unto 
him :  "  Where  are  thine  adversaries  ?  And  he,  answering,  said : 
"  There  are  none  to  condemn  me."  Then  the  Colonel  said :  "  Neither 
do  I  condemn  thee.    Gro  in  peace." 


EEVISED  EDITION  OF  "  POE'S  DEMON." 

1.  Once  upon  a  midnight  fearful, 
I  did  ponder  long  and  tearful, 
Over  many  a  tough  and  tedious 

Problem  ot  the  covered  way ; 
And  I  labored,  softly  swearing, 
Oft  great  locks  of  hair  uptearing. 
And  my  countenance  was  wearing 

Old  and  harsh  before  my  day ; 
Growing  bald  and  wearing  old. 

Thus  I  was  before  my  day, 

O'er  this  fiendish  covered  way. 

2.  Still  I  struggled,  often  starting, 
With  my  patience  fast  departing. 
Drew  a  host  of  lines  in  error. 

Then  disgusted  looked  away; 
And  as  I  looked,  still  bent  on  knowing, 
I  saw  from  out  the  darkness  growing. 
Two  fierce  eyes  like  fire  coals  glowing, 

Gloioing  with  looks  that  seemed  to  say : 
"  Give  up  W^Y  work,  lay  down  thy  pen. 

Permanent  works  did  never  pay," 

These  glowing  eyes  did  seem  to  say. 

3.  In  my  chair  there,  boldly  turning, 
Face  to  face  I  met  those  burning 
Ej'es,  that  did  bespeak  such  learning 

Of  those  things  which  do  not  pay; 
And  beheld  no  vision  flitting, 
But  to  those  orbs  a  strangely  fitting 
Form  of  demon,  calmly  sitting, 

Sitting  in  my  chimney  way,  — 
Bolt  upright  on  candle-box. 

There  he  sat  without  dismay, 

And  on  his  front  was  writ  "  Noizet." 


37 


4.  Much  and  deep  I  speculated 
Wliy  this  demon  so  elated, 

And  Tvith  importance  so  inflated, 

Dared  to  thus  intrude  this  -^ay; 
Then  demanded  "svhat  his  game  "?vas; 
And  hOTv  high  and  great  his  fame  vrsis, 
And  would  he  tell  me  -what  the  name  "^as 

"Which they  gave  him  far  away? 
How  he  dared,  and  what  his 

Xame  was  in  the  region  without  day? 

And  the  demon  said,  "  Xoizet." 

5.  Xow  methought  from  off  my  paper 
Up  arose  a  sulphurous  vapor, 

A  yellow,  light,  and  odorous  vapor, 

Lifted  up  and  rolled  away. 
Then  did  darkest  fears  assail  me, 
And  "boldness  did  no  more  avail  me, 
And  aU  my  courage  'gan  to  fail  me,  — 

Fail  me  in  this  tragic  play,  — 
In  this  midnight,  solemn,  quiet. 

And  strangely  mystic  sulphurous  play, 

"With  demon  here  named  "  Xoizet." 

6.  But  the  demon  quick  assured  me 

That  my  conscience  should  have  cured  me 
Of  such  idle,  causeless  fears, 

Fears  that  turn  the  hair  to  gray ; 
That  he  came  with  social  feeling, 
From  the  realm  of  bodies  annealing, 
Up  to  have  some  honest  dealing,  — 

Dealing  in  the  land  of  day; 
That  he  sought  a  boon  companion. 

In  the  glorious  land  of  day, 

Did  this  demon,  this  "  Xoizet." 

T.    Much  I  mused,  this  demon  Frenchman, 
This  cunette  fiend,  the  former  tienchman, 
Thus  to  hear  discourse  so  glihl}-, 

In  faultless  English  of  to-day. 
And  I  said,  "  How  is't,  retainer 
Of  the  devil  and  profaner 
Of  bright  youth,  thou  art  abstainer 

From  thine  own  tongue,  light  and  gay. 
Doth  abstain  from  thine  own  language 

And  in  English  sing  thy  lay?  " 

But  the  Demon  would  not  say. 

8.    "How  'scaped  thou  then,"  I  asked,  "  those  regions 
Guarded  by  ten  thousand  legions. 
Demon  legions  without  mercy, 

VTho  do  never  sing  and  pray? 
And  if  thou  hast,  thou  arch  defender, 
Aught  of  news  or  good  to  tender, 
Or  of  service,  do  it  render, 

Render  now  without  delay. 
Xews  tl^ou  hast  ?    Then  haste  to  tender. 

Tender  quick  and  get  away." 

Then  the  demon,  "  This  I  say  :" 


38 


9.    "  In  those  regions  down  "below 
I  freely  come  and  freely  go, 
For  my  work  in  life,  above  ground, 

Doth  absolve  me  there  for  aye. 
So,  leave  thy  work  now,  I  invite  thee, 
And  on  the  shores  of  darkness  (a)  light  thee, 
And  on  those  black  shores  I'll  requite  thee. 

And  we'll  throw  our  cares  away. 
Cease  thy  swearing  and  hair  tearing. 

And  I'll  charm  thy  cares  away." 

Thus  the  demon,  named  Noizet. 

10.  "  Demon,"  said  I,  half  persuaded. 

My  question  thou  hast  not  evaded, 
And  thy  kindly  invitation 

Doth  my  mind  right  strongly  sway ; 
But  tell  me,  in  that  happy  place. 
Do  they  use  the  bastion  face? 
Do  they  find  the  ravelin  trace, 

Ravelin  trace  and  covered  way? 
Have  they  there  a  caponniere. 

And  a  ravelin  covei'ed  way?  " 

Quoth  the  demon,  "  Why  not,  pray?  " 

11.  "  Demon,"  howled  I,  no  longer  tempted. 

From  further  talk  thou  art  exempted; 
Get  thee  back  into  those  regions, 

Unto  the  place  where  is  no  day ; 
Let  thy  presence  leave  no  vapor, 
Of  this  fiendish  midnight  caper. 
Leave  untarnished  still  my  paper, 

Seek  some  other  youth  to  slay,  — 
Get  thy  form  from  oflf  my  box, 

Seek  some  other  youth  to  slay." 

Quoth  the  demon,    Not  to-day." 

12.  And  the  demon,  nothing  fearing. 
Still  is  peering,  still  is  leering 
On  me  from  my  candle-box. 

And  my  friends  across  the  way, 
Coming  over  to  console  me, 
And  for  my  lost  love  to  condole  me, 
Or  on  my  punishment  conjole  me, 

Seeing  him  do  haste  away ; 
And  in  my  dreams  this  demon  seems 

To  laugh  at  those  who  haste  away, 

And  whisper  soft,  '*  Some  other  day." 

Note.  — Muggins.  Demon  on  candle-box  at  Sunday  morning  inspection.'* 
"  30  confinements." 


MKE  UNIVERSITY  LIBRARIES 


ml 


mm 


m 


